I don't normally waste my time watching terrible award shows where artists I dont even like (or more often than not, know) but since I had devoted Sunday to studying, and not wanting to break that, I really had nothing better to do. So here are thoughts had and things learned while watching the Grammys.

1. Ryan Seacrest must make billions. Actually, according to Forbes in 2008, Seacrest pocketed a cool $29 mil. But the dude is everywhere. He has a radio show, American Idol, and all those red carpet specials. Hell, I don't even watch television and I can't help but see the dude every time I turn it on. Damn it must feel good to be Ryan Seacrest.

2. Pink can be pretty much naked hanging from the ceiling while water is being poured on her, and I still do not find her attractive in the slightest. The same goes for Fergie. And that girl from Lady Antibellum.

3. Lady Gaga makes catchy music, and I get it that she's supposed to be all "artistic" and "creative" but seriously folks, her outfit(s) are pointless. Also, she's a rather weird looking chick. At one point I thought she was channeling the Ultimate Warrior. That probably isn't a good sign when I think a female pop-star looks like the Ultimate Warrior.

4. You know those yogurt commercials where the girl says "last night I ate Appleturnover and Strawberry Cheesecake and yada yada yada..." and it ends up being "delicious" yogurt flavors and not the dishes themselves? Yeah, I call bullshit on the yogurt company. If this were the case, women would not look like Miranda Lambert or that Lady Antibellum chick. And men would not look like the Zac Brown Band. Sorry, but it's the truth.

5. Whoever this Justin Beiber kid is (my sister happens to be in love with him), someone needs to remind him that he's a middle-class white kid. STOP TALKING LIKE YOU'RE SOME INNER-CITY THUG. Also, life is gonna be rough on him when he hits puberty and realizes nobody finds his voice "cute" and "adorable" any longer.

6. Hayley Williams from Paramore is adorable, especially with her new shorter 'do. Ah Hayles, why are you wasting time with that assclown from New Found Glory that thinks he's still in Shai Hulud when in reallity he's in a band no different than Blink-182? Sigh.

7. Katy Perry is hot. There, I said it. Yes, I realize that just about everything I said earlier about Lady Gaga applies to Katy Perry. Terrible, yet catchy music. Bizarre fashion choices. The only difference, I'd definately spend a night with Katy Perry. Gaga... Nah-uh.

8. Along those same lines, look I have no idea who that Ke$ha chick is. I couldn't tell you what she sings, or anything. But she looks like some girl that went to my highschool that I could totally nail, only wouldn't want to because she's carrying at least 3 STD's, and already slept with the entire varsity football offensive line. I could be wrong, though.

9. Taylor Swift is adorable. Her performance with Stevie Nicks was awesome. I dug the stripped down banjo version of "You Belong With Me." Very cool. Swift seems humbled and honored to be where she is, and everytime I have ever seen her win an award she looks genuinely excited to win. Very cool.

10. That performance with Slash, Jamie Foxx, and T-Pain was among the worst peformances I have ever seen. Also, if Green Day's American Idiot is being turned into a Broadway musical, then why did they perform "21 Guns" with the musical cast when "21 Guns" isn't on American Idiot?

11. What was up with the pairings for the presenters? Alice Cooper and Katy Perry? Kaley Cuoco and some spanish dude that could barely speak English? I kept waiting for "And to present best soft rock/spoken word/gospel album are Harvey Keitel and one of the aliens from Avatar.

12. NO MORE MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTES. NO MORE. FINSIHED. DONE. THAT'S ALL.

13. Seal is one ugly dude, but he crawls into bed with Heidi Klum every night so I can say he's an ugly dude but really I'm just jealous. Same goes for Russell Brand.

14. Josh Duhmal was dressed very sharp, and to be honest, is a pretty good looking dude. So what is he doing with Fergie? Also, the Black Eyed Peas suck. Immensly. And when did Liu Kang and Vladimir Guerrero join the Black Eyed Peas? 

15. That chick from Glee that was a presenter is goregous. That's two nights in a row now that I've discovered goregous actresses, with the first being that Natalie character from Up in the Air. By the way, Up in the Air was fantastic. Also, Kaley Cuoco looked fantastic.

16. That middle Jonas Brother is actually a dude. Shocked the hell out of me.

17. Khloe Kardashian (I don't even care if that is spelled right) is one of E!'s fashion critics. HA!

18. That "The Situation" fellow and Snooki were on the red carpet. That means Jersey Shore is relevant enough to invite to an award show like The Grammys. God help us all. Also, that Snooki chick looks like a dirtbag version of that chick from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that turned into a blueberry...AFTER she turned into a blueberry.

19. You could vote for which Bon Jovi song you wanted to see the band perform. Choices: A.) Living on a Prayer, B.) It's my Life, or C.) Something else I can't remember. I would have chosen D.) Nothing. Bon Jovi sucks. Let MGMT perform. Or Katy Perry, next to a large magnet. Yeah....


that's all I can think of right now. Goodnight, Moon.